


one simple thing

by erythea



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Fluff, Other, can be read as platonic or romantic idc, kama's idea of a prank, no beta we die like men, sex jokes because yan qing is Like This, sometimes a ship is your two favorite characters, they/them pronouns for kama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:02:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27508045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erythea/pseuds/erythea
Summary: “Pocky Day! I’ve never heard of anything so stupid in my entire life.” Kama explains as they hold their half-eaten pocky up for Yan Qing to see. “On the eleventh day of the eleventh month, everyone buys these stupid things and uses them to kiss their stupid lovers on the mouth. It’s so stupid!” They pop the rest of the stick in their mouth.Yan Qing hums in thought. “That sounds kinda off, but alright.”Kama asks Yan Qing for help on Pocky Day.
Relationships: Yan Qing | Assassin/Kama | Assassin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	one simple thing

**Author's Note:**

> Something I wrote for a change of pace in between commissions! Extremely self-indulgent. Extremely unedited. Also I wanted to do something for Pocky Day.
> 
> Note: Glico is the company that makes Pocky.

“Yo, Kama!”

Kama lets out an undignified yelp as a panel pops out of place and a Servant with long, black hair lowers himself out of the new hole in the corridor ceiling.

It’s Yan Qing, bright and shining like a star in the winter sky. He looks cold, and he’s forgotten to wear a shirt again. Granted, this is his room, and whatever he does in his room is none of their business, but doesn’t he ever expect anyone? That damn avatar of Shiva said this man could do anything they asked. Why couldn’t they do something so simple?

No. They were a fool to listen to Ashwatthama in the first place.

As Yan Qing hangs from a rope like a spider on a thread, he greets the god with a smile that reaches his eyes.

“Kotarou was teaching me how to do that ninja thing where he like, jumps outta nowhere. I think I’m getting pretty good at it!”

“I don’t care. Don’t—”  _ Scare me like that_, but Kama would rather die than admit weakness. They click their tongue. “Can’t you greet people normally?”

Yan Qing doesn’t listen to Kama. He laughs as he starts swinging the rope. “Woah, you  _ want  _ me to greet you? I thought we had a mutual understanding! You know, to ignore each other.”

Arms crossed, Kama watches the ruffian swing like a pendulum. He’s so happy and carefree, and each time the rope swings, Kama thinks about burning it through.

“I never said that. I don’t think you even know what ‘mutual’ means.”

“I mean I do, but you don’t gotta be a jerk about it.” In spite of it all, Yan Qing takes it in stride. “If you give me a rule, I’m kiiiinda gonna want to break it.”

Without a care for the blood rushing to his head, Kama grabs Yan Qing’s head with both hands. Their demonic grip brings him and his laughter to an abrupt stop.

“If you swing one more time,” Kama growls. “I’ll make sure I’ll break you more than you ever asked for.”

Like this, he’s defenseless. Like this, they can burn fear right into his eyes. They relish the thought. They cackle. “It’ll hurt at first, but oh, it’ll burn so sweet...”

With cheeks squished and lips puckered like a fish, Yan Qing only has five things to say.

“Yikes. Uh, for the record? That sounds cool, but personally I like switching between ‘service top’ and ‘power bottom’, so I don’t think we’re gonna get along in the bedroom.”

“What.”

“Hey, are you into temperature play? I heard you were into temperature play. One time, Nezha lit my ass on fire and I didn’t really like that—”

Kama plants their palm square into Yan Qing’s face and pushes him away.

“Ugh, forget it. You’re disgusting.”

He’s not like the rest of them. He’s  _ so  _ much worse. Useless. Annoying. And to think they were at his doorstep for a  _ favor _ .

Now that Kama’s set the Servant pendulum back in motion, they turn around and walk back down the corridor. That’s not the last they see of him.

When Kama is a few paces away, Yan Qing alights the rope hanging from the ceiling. They hear the automatic door whir open as he catches up with them — those light and agile footsteps they’re so familiar with after months and months of fighting by his side, banging against their ears and stomping on their heart.

They walk faster, but the effort is futile.

“Hey, what’s that?”

Then, they stop.

Before Kama can deign him with an answer, the slim pink box of Pocky is out of their hands.

And in Yan Qing’s.

He stands next to Kama as he examines the box from every angle except the side that lists its nutritional value.

“Is this strawberry? Nice. For me?”

In their shock, Kama attempts to grab their snack back, but Yan Qing is too fast, dodging every angle a Divine Spirit can aim for.

“You know,” Kama says after a moment of chasing him in frustration, “parents usually teach their children to say please.”

“Yeah, well, I had none, so go figure, right?” Yan Qing replies, nonchalant as he ambles over to the ledge by the window. He opens the box and wrapper and fishes for a stick. “Damn, never had a god go easy on me before. You shoulda seen Lucha Lady last Christmas. If she were you, she woulda broken my sexy arms by now. Want one?”

Kama doesn’t really know what to say to any of that, true as all of it may be, so they stand around rather dumbly, fidgeting in place before finally floating over to his side. They didn’t pull back any punches, they tell themself. They were just tired. That’s it. It has nothing to do with his stupid arms or his stupid abs or his stupid… face.

Kama takes the pocky.

“I’m not going easy on you, stupid. I could care less about what you’ve been through. I’d just hate to move another muscle. Ugh, especially after that last farming mission…”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, Your Divine...ness? I’ll just keep calling you Kama. You wanted to talk to me about something, right?”

Such irreverence — not that they’re someone to respect. Such familiarity — not that they’re someone worth knowing. Kama keeps it together.

“Yeah. But I don’t want to tell you anymore.”

“What are you, a kid?” He snorts. “That’s fine. Just tell me whenever you’re ready. Playing hot-and-cold ain’t my thing.”

“Well, it’s not mine either,” Kama says as they bring their legs up to show him their arms and feet, “as you can tell.”

“Yeah, I know. You’re always giving me the cold shoulder.”

Yan Qing laughs at his own joke and Kama almost laughs with him. Stupid. How could they laugh at any of this?

Kama eats their stick of pocky, and for a while, are quiet.

“Master and Da Vinci were—” They sigh and roll their eyes. “—talking about some stupid holiday.”

Yan Qing keeps the stick in his mouth while he tries to remember. “Pocky Day?”

“Yes!” Kama blurts out, “Pocky Day! I’ve never heard of anything so stupid in my entire life.” Kama explains as they hold their half-eaten pocky up for Yan Qing to see. “On the eleventh day of the eleventh month, everyone buys these stupid things and uses them to kiss their stupid lovers on the mouth. It’s so stupid!” They pop the rest of the stick in their mouth.

Yan Qing hums in thought. “That sounds kinda off, but alright.”

Kama grits their teeth. “It’s making fun of me. It's a mockery!  _ Oh, Kama, look at all the love we’re giving everyone around without you! _ Ha! Glico thought they could have the last laugh? ‘Well,’ I said, ‘I’ll do them one better!’ So I made my own Pocky!”

Yan Qing looks at the front of the box. “Oh, is that why the packaging’s super cute?”

Kama nods and preens. “It's so obnoxiously cute, you're bound to hate it, right? And now I've given you the honor to be my precious taste tester.”

“Huh! I like the box, though. Thanks for the free stuff!” But a thought suddenly crosses Yan Qing's mind and makes him rub his chin. “Wait, you're still calling it Pocky? Is that even legal?”

Kama squints at him. “You’re the last person who should be asking that.”

But Kama digresses. They return to their villainous monologue. “But it isn’t just any pocky, no. My pocky is so delicious, so nutritious, that anyone who eats it will be so enamoured by its sweet taste that they’ll never think about kissing anyone else ever again!”

Yan Qing digests every word.

“Soooo... like regular pocky.”

“Yes! No. Did you save some for me?”

Kama goes through a range of emotions before snatching the pink box away from Yan Qing. They shake it upside-down on their palm and are not disappointed.

“Hell yeah,” says Yan Qing. “Everyone knows Kama likes sweet stuff!”

And when Yan Qing grins, he shines like the brightest galaxy in the universe.

“Don’t smile!” Kama yells, their face as hot as a supernova. “We're supposed to be discussing my evil plan!”

Yan Qing’s laughter echoes throughout the corridor. “I dunno if anyone will fall for this prank. All it does is make me feel like I gotta go to the dentist, but I guess that's the idea?” But he lowers his voice and leans in, his eyes more gentle. “Tell you what, though: I'll help ya out with the next one.”

Kama meets his bright eyes and looks away. “You'd do that? Stupid. My prank was a failure from the beginning. You already saw how stupid I am.”

“Yeah, I did. So what? You came for my help, didn't you? So I'm gonna do just that. Also, I don't mean to brag, but I can do pretty much anything! Especially pranks.”

Kama glances at him from the side. “Being good at being evil isn't something to be proud of, you know.”

But Kama smiles. In the cold, vast darkness of space, the warmth of someone's words was only a dream. In Chaldea, they are beginning to believe they don't need to look any further. Here, perhaps people like Yan Qing can do the one simple thing they're too scared to ask for.

“Heh. You're so full of yourself. I guess I'll show you my gratitude when you render your services in full, then.”

“Anytime. Want some of my pocky?”

“It’s  _ my _ pocky,” Kama says with a pout and a hand stretched out.

“I know.” Yan Qing hands them a stick and ruffles their hair. “Thanks for sharing.”

For once, Kama doesn't shy away.


End file.
